What always brings you to tears?



Greetings and Good Morning!

For "Mai Reflective Friday" this week, I wanted to think about "what always brings me to tears?" Initially, I thought about some of my favorite songs and movies over the years, and that just seemed too "cliché". However, I will say, for the sake of discussion, on Monday, I cried listening to Whitney Houston's, 'You Give Good Love', and hearing my son's little voice, say, 'I love you too, Mom', just this morning. So, now, that we're past that part, <enter a smile>, my thoughts began to drift to more serious matters. I began to think deeply about the emotionally driven feelings that I began having earlier this week. Feelings, I've never felt before. I realized that these feelings and emotions were surfacing because, I was in a vulnerable place of "unchartered waters". I later realized, that I was experiencing the emotional feelings of a person that was previously in the corporate workforce, and has now taken the entrepreneurial path, and is finding out the hard way, it is by all accounts one that has many ups and downs. Both financially and emotionally.

As many of you are aware, I'm a newly self-published author and business-owner trying to establish myself. When I step back, and look at the grand scheme of things, no one knows that I exist, that they should read my work, or contract my graphic design services. My initial thoughts brought me down. I started to beat myself up! I felt physically sick. I was frustrated, I had headaches, and I was sad. I've never been depressed, but I felt like I was getting there. I just wanted to curl up and do nothing. I was losing my motivation. I also felt defeated and that made me want to cry. In life, and especially right now, the thought of failure, has "always brought me to tears." The thought of not living up to my own expectations, no matter where I've set them at the time, scares me. Becoming a self-published author, business-owner, and also maintaining a household, as a wife and mother is very tough. Don't let anyone tell you differently! This week, I felt like maybe this is not the life for me. I started second-guessing myself. I was afraid, because this "new life", lacks the stability that I was used to. This "business" decision, has put me in a position of being vulnerable and the need to rely primarily on my faith in God, a higher power, and this space lacks the kind of control, a self-identified "overachiever", like me, needs in order to feel secure. However, I thank God, for always blessing me with good supportive people around me, especially, when I need them. One friend reminded me of my own message, "this is a marathon, not a sprint", and that there are many unknowns and it will feel like an emotional rollercoaster, and to "trust the process". This same friend also reminded me to take time for myself, and just stop! I had to remember, sometimes I need to stop, take a deep breath, regroup, and come up with a new strategy to succeed. My grind shouldn't make me lose sight of my goal and mission. If you're going through a similar situation, don't lose sight of the end goal. You'll get there! Pick yourself up, and keep pushing. It's okay to slow down, allow the tears and the feelings to come through, but don't dwell in them. This is how I was able to bounce back! I'm not dwelling, I'm determined to win, and so should you! "Let's get it, let's go!"

I'm sure this will not be the last time, that I will discuss my journey as a self-published author and business-owner. However, I hope that you can understand, that this is an important endeavor for me. I'm in a vulnerable place trying to make this life my long-term reality. I want to be a person that others can look to my life's work as an "inspirational blue print" for them to do the same, whatever their chosen path may be. As I mentioned previously, "the thought of failure is something that always brings me to tears", but that's just a thought that, I will not allow to manifest into my reality! Today, is a new day and I've got my spark back! Let's go, I'm ready to win!

Happy #Reflective Friday!

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