This week, my thoughts of self-reflection will be, "a prompt from Barbara Abercrombie’s creative book Kicking In The Wall: A Year of Writing Exercises, Prompts and Quotes To Help You Break Through Your Blocks And Reach Your Writing Goals."
There are times in our lives, when we have moments that we are able to completely separate ourselves from thinking about anything, and just feel. For me, I remember it like it was yesterday, it was in the middle of the month of September 2013, and for three whole days, my body prepared itself, as it should, for the most incredible moment of my life. The 72 hours that led up to my life-changing moment, was unseasonably warm, on what was one of the most beautiful autumn days in the City of Boston. On Wednesday, September 18, 2013, I remember, looking out of our balcony sliding glass window, to a gorgeous sun, shining ever so brightly, and not one cloud obstructing the beautiful color blue of the sky. The autumn breeze playfully danced with the heat of the impending end of summer filling our apartment with fresh air. My body couldn't find a place on my posture-pedic mattress that was comfortable. The small of my back felt like, a "foreign object" was placed there for fun, knowing I couldn't remove it. All I could do was anticipate the inevitable. I could feel the "Braxton Hicks" and see my stomach contract. In retrospect, I always expected when it was my time to experience this moment that it would be, a "sharp" pain, but to feel a dull menstrual, annoying uncomfortable feeling was quite unexpected. I actually was relieved. When I finally arrived to the hospital, I felt like this feeling was "bearable", until, well, for lack of a better way to put it, it became "unbearable". I remember being afraid of the dreaded, "epidural shot" because, of my mom's stories. However, by the time I needed it, and when the doctors asked if I wanted, "the shot", I responded, "Hell yeah! Give me the shot!" I can still think back to the feeling when my legs became numb, and I was able to relax a little. I laugh now, but I was so annoyed and uncomfortable then. I'm sure other women can relate. This was the moment we as women wait for, it's our "rite of passage" into motherhood. It was probably the moment that I felt most alive. I've never felt so in tune with every mode of sensory in my body. I was hot and cold simultaneously, and I could smell everything. I was irritable and excited. I could've been the best super hero. My senses were bionic. I could feel every inch of my being including the tugging of doctors on my body, to bring this life that was soon to be brought into this world. We as women that have had cesarean births very seldom speak of the pain as the baby is born. I'm reminded of that feeling as I write this. The "tugging". I will NEVER forget that pain. Nothing will ever compare to the feeling, I felt as a woman, in this moment. I was strong, vulnerable, exposed, in love, happy, protective, and scared all at the same time. I will never forget when I saw his little face, and I was overcome with a wealth of emotion. I will always remember the exact moment on Saturday, September 21, 2013 at 9:36 AM, my feeling of when I became a mother.
Thank you for reading my post today. Hey, do me a favor, if you like or love this post, please discuss it, comment on it, and share it often with your family and friends in social media universe.